Things are a little quiet at home, but I don't have to worry about him, or look him in the eyes as I leave him behind. I don't have to see the disappointment in his face as he comes to understand that he won't be joining me on the adventure called today. I made the right decision, but I am not sure if he understood it was his time.
I wish you could have met him. I wish you could have seen his grandeur, his confidence. He liked everyone he met, but he was MY dog. As much as I chose him, he chose me too. He bound himself to me and was my unconditional companion. Even though he did not speak with words, we had so many conversations. He could sense my mood and I his. I have had other dogs in my life, but nothing like him. They were never as regal, never as loyal and never ever as committed.
He took great pride in giving me all he was, in showing me the tremendous animal he had been breed to be. I was often amazed by his instinct and his generosity; in the same way he accepted me and gave me his all, I took great pride in receiving him for all he was. We would sit on the bed and just grin at each other, contented to exchange the best of what we could offer each other and overlook everything else. Life was good and that made our place feel like home.
For those of you that do know us, for those of you who knew him, you know that there was a time that he desperately needed me. He knew he belonged with me and that whatever had happened to separate us didn't matter to him, he knew we needed to be together. You also know that there was a time that he helped pull me through; that he and I would go back and forth depending on each other, traveling down the road together. Many times we were all we had.
I know Rufus was an animal, I know he was just a dog, but to whatever capacity his spirit could reach out, it reached out to ME and we understood one another. We were at ease with each other. We were connected. Whenever we were apart, we were anxious, but together we were comforted. Wherever we were, whatever uncertainty we faced, together we had our place in the world called home. Today home doesn't feel the same.
